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Finitude - Forgiveness
Finitude
Finality, el fin, the end, the limit. Finitude describes the furthest end of our capabilities. It’s an acknowledgment that we can do some things, a lot of things even, but there is a limit.
Sometimes this limit can increase with age, wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Sometimes it decreases because of those very same things.
Your limit may not be the same as others limits, that’s just a wonder of diversity. However, we all have them. At some point, not only will we reach the end of our capacities, but also the end of our existence. That’s the final limit. The one where our body has had enough and ceases to function.
There’s courage to be found in facing our limits, in pushing the boundaries of our existence to encompass more of life. Beware the temptation to stare them in the face though because they are vast and uncaring. No matter how prepared you might be, there will come a time when they move no further.
See: death, existentialism, grief, humility, meaning, Eudaimonia.
Flow
This entry is not the result of a flow state. The idea for this project was.
Two years of writing, four weeks of defining and describing, and one passing moment where everything clicked provided the spark. When it hit, I wrote several pages of material in just a few hours and from there began to hone the project and add to it.
Flow is about presence. Not just “I am with you,” but “everything I have is with this moment.” It’s conversations that stretch for hours when it feels like minutes. It’s entering a writing bubble and feeling the words and ideas stream onto the page. It’s body, mind, emotional state, creativity, and performance blending together to produce something that seems a little beyond our usual skill.
True flow states are more akin to finding a needle in a haystack, fewer and farther between than I’d like them to be. Still, I think many of us can point to moments of electric aliveness when we lose ourselves and our sense of time.
I’m not sure we can control when these moments show up. Maybe all we can do is notice when they arrive, hold on tight, and take the ride for all it’s worth.
See: embodiment, creativity, play, attention, curiosity, rest.
Forbearance
Calling people out is a lot more glamorous these days than welcoming them in. Forbearance is a hard sell in spaces where hot takes, fragile egos, and low tolerance run rampant.
Forbearance is the totally unsexy practice of patience in the face of difference. It is an act of relational power: the ability to affect someone after we’ve let ourselves be affected by them
But let’s be clear. If there’s abuse, dehumanization, and/or degradation, leave at the first safe moment. Forbearance is not a license to say and do anything you want without consequence. This is more about differences of opinion or thought. When the opinion or thought is that you don’t deserve basic respect, walk or run away.
Forbearance is the ability to see our way through an argument or disagreement because the person in front of us has earned our respect. An unpopular opinion or idea is not inherently harmful. A harmful opinion is not the same thing as acting with hostility. Sometimes our ideas lack seasoning or experience, and we don’t know better yet.
That’s where forbearance matters.
It’s saved for people who have earned our patience and tolerance, even when they disappoint us. We stay in the room, not because everything they say is okay, but because who they are to us still matters.
Let’s be real, change is slow. It takes time, experience, and care. Forbearance lets us stick with somebody because their growth matters to us, and sometimes, because ours does too.
See: forgiveness, boundaries, abuse, repair, hope, community.
Forgiveness
I am always amazed at the people who forgive quickly, especially when the harm they’ve experienced seems egregious. I don’t know if I could do it.
When my imagination rumbles into visions of loved ones being hurt, my first inclination is revenge, not forgiveness. It’s all “eye for an eye” and rarely “turn the other cheek.” I imagine wanting someone to feel the pain I believe I would experience.
Maybe that’s what forgiveness is ultimately about, stopping the cycle of pain. It’s agreeing, believing, acting out the idea that exchanging traumas provides little long-term relief.
Psychologically, there’s a relief that can come with forgiveness. It can provide an ending to a story, one where we have some influence rather than feeling out of control. When we can make choices about our future, we take away others’ ability to cause us pain.
It’s not a get out of jail free card for perpetrators. Forgiveness is our prerogative, but restoration is a whole other ball game. Just because we forgive someone, doesn’t mean we have to continue to relate to them or let them back into our lives.
Sometimes the best way to stop pain is to not be around the ones who cause it.
See: grief, anger, justice, boundaries, repair, reconciliation.