F-words...
...part duex
Fear
I’ve been wondering how you condense 300 pages into about 300 words. Fear is one of those basic emotions we all share. We’re afraid of different things, but the simple fact of the matter is that all of us experience fear.
Fear is different from anxiety in one major way. With fear we can name a threat. It’s an object in the environment that we interpret as potentially causing us harm.
When were afraid the blood drains to our extremities, our digestion slows or stops, and we prepare ourselves to react to the threat (fight, flight, freeze, appease). There’s a mechanism in our brain, the amygdala, that seems to help us identify and mark threats in the environment.
We all have this neuropsychological mechanism; therefore, we all feel fear. There is no such thing as being fearless. If someone tells you otherwise, walk away, they’re idiots (or at least uninformed).
However, we can train ourselves to create the pause necessary to respond with intention in moments when we feel threatened. A lot of this has to do with skill building around potential scenarios where threats abound. It also means exposing ourselves in limited ways to situations and experiences where risk is involved.
If we’re confident we can handle something, the threat abates somewhat. We’ll still get the rush, but we’ll confront and move through rather than move away from a threat.
Finitude
Finality, el fin, the end, the limit. Finitude describes the furthest end of our capabilities. It’s an acknowledgment that we can do some things, a lot of things even, but there is a limit.
Sometimes this limit can increase with age, wisdom, knowledge, and experience. Sometimes it decreases because of those very same things.
Your limit may not be the same as others limits, that’s just a wonder of diversity. However, we all have them. At some point, not only will we reach the end of our capacities, but also the end of our existence. That’s the final limit. The one where our body has had enough and ceases to function.
There’s courage to be found in facing our limits, in pushing the boundaries of our existence to encompass more of life. Beware the temptation to stare them in the face though because they are vast and uncaring. No matter how prepared you might be, there will come a time when they move no further.
Flow
It’s a state of being fully present to the task in front of you in such a way that your skill, creativity, and performance are at their peaks. Often, we lose track of time and an awareness of our surroundings.
Here’s a name I’ll never try and pronounce out loud: Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. He’s the one who pretty much started this idea of flow. Through his research he lists several factors that signify a flow state: (1) balance between challenge and skill, (2) merging of action and awareness, (3) clarity of goals, (4) intrinsic rewards, (5) concentration, (6) letting go of the need to control, (7) transformation or loss of time, and (8) loss of self-consciousness.
Now, achieving all of these at once might be akin to finding a needle in a haystack. However, I think many of us can point to moments when a majority of these conditions have been met in our lives.
I think true flow states are fewer and farther between than I’d like for them to be. I want to believe I spend more time in the zone than out of it, but I’m not sure the evidence bears that conclusion. I do know when I’m there though, and it is something worth chasing to try and find.
I’m left to wonder if we cannot control when these moments occur, only hold on tight and take the ride for all it’s worth.
Forgiveness
I am always amazed at the people who forgive quickly, especially when the harm they’ve experienced seems egregious. I don’t know if I could do it.
When my imagination rumbles into visions of loved ones being hurt, my first inclination is revenge, not forgiveness. It’s all “eye for an eye” and rarely “turn the other cheek.” I imagine wanting someone to feel the pain I believe I would experience.
Maybe that’s what forgiveness is ultimately about, stopping the cycle of pain. It’s agreeing, believing, acting out the idea that exchanging traumas provides little long-term relief.
Psychologically, there’s a relief that can come with forgiveness. It can provide an ending to a story, one where we have some influence rather than feeling out of control. When we can make choices about our future, we take away others’ ability to cause us pain.
It’s not a get out of jail free card for perpetrators. Forgiveness is our prerogative, but restoration is a whole other ball game. Just because we forgive someone, doesn’t mean we have to continue to relate to them or let them back into our lives.
Sometimes the best way to stop pain is to not be around the ones who cause it.
Formation
It’s just a fancy word for development. It’s probably used more in religious spaces than psychological ones.
It can signal growth, intention, and particular practices that cause shifts in identities and practices. Feel free to get fancy when you’re trying something new and call it formation.