find the helpers...
...when the story gets hard.
“When I was a boy and saw scary things in the news, my mother would say, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Dr. Fred Rogers
This is the last in this series of posts on stories and narratives. Over the remainder of the summer, I’ll go back to posting some of the glossary I’ve continued working on in the background.
The helpers, that’s what a counternarrative is in its simplest form.
Yet, we’re often so afraid of our problem stories that we forget to look for them.
The problem with problem-saturated stories is not just that they hurt. It’s that they narrow our field of vision. They teach us to fixate on failure, shame, fear, and repetition until those things feel like the whole landscape. We stop looking for anything that doesn’t confirm the story we already expect.
That’s why looking for the helpers matters.
A counternarrative isn’t denial. It’s not pretending the fire isn’t burning or the grief isn’t real or the damage didn’t happen.
It’s the choice to notice that the problem is not the only thing happening.
Someone stayed.
Someone showed up.
Something in you resisted.
Something in the story doesn’t fit the bleakest possible interpretation.
They don’t erase the problem. They don’t insult the pain. They don’t ask us to pretend everything is fine.
They simply remind us that the worst thing in the story is rarely the only thing in the story.
It’s knowing that when you’re told you’re not good with old people by one grandmother, you’re reminded of the other one where conversation and laughter is much easier.