what do you do when what you do…
…doesn’t do it for you?
I’ve heard from clients, and even felt in my own life, those beige or gray moments when life just feels off.
It’s an “I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m doing everything I’ve always done. I’ve got the same job, same routines, am around the same people, but life just doesn’t feel the same.”
It’s usually followed up with something like, “I’m not unhappy, I’m just not… happy.”
I get it, I really do. It happens in my personal and professional life from time to time. It’s like entering a fog where I feel little to nothing. My choices? Keep going until I pass through or stopping to see if it lifts.
There’s a loss of meaning tied to these moments. Generally, it’s mundane or trivial that drags joy or curiosity out of me. It’s having a great session with a client and then having to do administrative work immediately afterwards. It’s finding what you’re good at but then having to sell it to someone.
As I think about it, there’s a disconnection to meaning and purpose in these moments of banality. To be honest, there’s also a smidgen of grief. A reality check that what we find life giving comes with baggage.
So, what do we do when what we do doesn’t do it for us?
I can’t say I have a perfect plan to remedy the situation. If I did, I probably would be better off than I am right now. In fact, I’d probably have my own section in the self-help aisle that people would be rolling their eyes at when they pass by.
So, what comes next is not a panacea. It won’t beige-proof your life. Take what you can from it and adapt it. There’s no quick fix or supreme tactical plan for reclaiming what it means to come alive. I just imagine these things might help.
Name it. Claim it. Own it.
Stories, situations, experiences come and go. Often, we don’t partake in our lives so much as try and glide through them. If we’re feeling unremarkable, then most likely we’re not paying attention.
What’s the story that you’re living in this moment in time? Who are the characters? What’s the plot line? Where’s the drama, comedy, tragedy, action?
Busy is not the same as alive. Beige is as much about our current situation as it is about our relationship with it. To put it another way, life is… and it is our relationship to that life that helps us understand it meaning, purpose, and influence on the lives of others.
You want to change things? Then claim your role in the story that’s unfolding before you. Participate in the action, laugh at the jokes, influence the drama, and cry with the tragedies.
In short, don’t just observe, participate with the kind of aliveness that helps you appreciate what’s unfolding around you.
Once you know the story, then you can take meaningful action. Otherwise, you’re operating with a partial or inconclusive dataset. My hypothesis is that better data creates better decisions.
That means paying attention to feelings, emotions, thoughts, habits, rituals, relationships, and so on and so forth. It means sitting in the driver’s seat of your life rather than being a passenger.
Often, beige-ness comes from feeling as though we lack choices or influence on our lives. I’m not asking you to go out and buy the loudest paint or largest print to cover the walls. Just get a swatch or two, research different colors or palates. That’s all, do the homework of being the main character in your story for a little while and experience what you like and don’t like.
That’s as good a place to start as any, more about this next week…